Saturday, June 10, 2017

Neither you nor love needs to be perfect

Meeting after 12 years, they regretted for not marrying each other.
The small fights between them drifted them away a decade back
but now they have met. Yes, again. Millions of emotions flowing.
 They want to be together now.
They got married.
Yes, happily married.
It was just a week after their marriage, a spark of argument emerged between them.
Argument turned into arguments.
Days turned into months.
Fights like a monster ate their love.
The controversies between them turned their life a disaster.
Struggle to survive in this world was greater than staying in relationship.
They got separated.
The promises "endless love ", "together forever" all faded away.
They hugged each other and happily parted.
No more regrets in their heart
because falling out of love is healthier sometimes.
Love was not a jail where they should stuck for a lifetime.
Missing someone you love is less painful
then staying in pain with a person you love.
Neither love nor they can be perfect
and it is alright to be imperfect.
Inner Peace is more important.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

You and my dry rose - Part 1

She was sitting ahead of me in the bus.  Her long breath taking hair, smile while reading some random messages in her phone, gold earrings gleamed against her dusky cheeks. I couldn't take my eyes off her. The continuous bus horn was trying to divert my attention from her. Finally, it succeeded. Timings.. crushes..!! I glanced around and it was time to get off the bus. We reached office. I am a married man and this journey from home to office was a part of my weekdays routine. My wife was my life when we were newly married but slowly with time every day's fight and arguments have ruined our relationship to a level where it seem difficult to stay together under the same roof. Love seems to be very hard and poisonous to me, I have stopped believing in it. Some days i feel really down, i often cry but manage to hide it. We stay away from our parents in a metropolitan city where life runs faster than time. My office environment is normal, bossy manager-clever colleagues-untrained juniors-onsite pressure-high responsibilities. I have been paid good but my wife earns a little more than me which she never forgets to remind me. Piles of files on my battered desk clearly defines my Monday blues.
Oh. so it was my turn to bring vegetables today from the market. Great..!
I grinned. Inside, i feel i am the best and the most stupid husband at the same time where i don't know how to refuse to my wife for anything. 'The sky turned to a light, dusky purple littered with tiny silver stars' I was walking silently with head full of thoughts and handbag full of vegetables and then through my glasses I saw HER ? Did i saw HER ?
My heartbeat fastened, i stopped like million thoughts all at once strike my mind.I immediately removed my glasses cleaned them and in a second I gave another stare.
I saw HER.
Oh ye..yeah... it was SHE.
My world just stopped. The whole body froze except a stubborn tear.
I cannot believe my eyes. My mind impeded to take steps towards her but then....
Image result for dry roses

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Birthday gift

It was my birthday 3 months back and i remember when a friend, infact many friends they called and asked a very similar question "What did your hubby gifted you on your birthday ? It was your first birthday after your marriage, sooo... A diamond ring ? Candle light dinner ?" I was like dumbstruck.
Well, they were more curious to know about my gift. Many thoughts running in my mind .Why he should do all this on a single day ? How come a gifted diamond ring proves that he loves me enough ? 
Ours was an inter-caste love marriage. After a little family drama both the parties agreed and we tied knot around half an year back. 


I was unable to justify my friend's questions. I cannot tell/explain her that love is beyond materialistic things. I cannot explain her how he makes me feel special everyday by those little things he do for me and only me to make me smile, to keep me happy. Ofcourse, some feelings are too personal. I failed to explain her that love is beyond a diamond ring or a candle light dinner. Of course we had made each other happy by such materialistic things many times before marriage. We were dating since 2 years and at that time we had only these petty things to prove that we had feelings for each other. We had many candle light dinners, movies, outing but not everything is worth sharing and not everyone deserves an honest reply. 
There are memories which we still cherish, we had debates, discussions, arguments and even fights but love is the solution to all the problems. About my birthday, yeah, it was awesome.Though it was a weekday still i want to say that it was a memorable birthday. We spent quality time with each other after having a half day off from the office.walking हाथो में हाथ डाल कर  on marine drive, attended Kala Ghoda festival, gateway of India and other places in south Mumbai. Later the cake celebration.

Later when i was in bed all these thoughts occupying my mind .A gift is something that makes you happy. That is why it is a GIFT and the best gift a person can give to you is his own TIME. His Personal TIME.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Hug me tight

                                Hug me tight when i cook your favorite food even after our long fight.

                                      Hug me tight when my cold heart resists to melt in those winters.. 

                                                 Hug me tight when dreams scare me and reality hurts. 

                                                      Hug me tight when i don't feel beautiful about myself.
                                                      Hug me tight when i change myself for you.
                                                      Hug me tight when i can't take my eyes off you.
                                                      Hug me tight when i  shout about our love around.
                                                      Hug me tight whenever i say 'My world gets completed by you"

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Too close or too far away from home

बार बार खुद से जान ने की कोशिश  करती हू 
"ना जाने आँखों में ऐसा कौनसा  सपना  लिए घर से निकले थे  हम की मानो घर जाना ही  अब एक  सपना  बन गया । "

Collecting my accessories,packing my bags that was the best day.
I was excited, the journey seemed to be so smooth and beautiful.
What else can you expect from an inexperienced soul who tasted water from the same pond, always.
I didn't drop even a single tear,
thought the time would have welcomed them but not me.
there was no fear, happiness inside.
and i left home, didn't turn back.

We got so busy in our  work that we almost forgot what the heck was moving around
but mom, sitting miles away, worried whether we had our breakfast,lunch,dinner on time.
Am i growing thin or weak or impatient or whatever. She wanted to meet after all it was my first experience
away from home.
--With time you start missing your home. you wanna go back but the chains of responsibilities always pull you back,stops you from doing what you really wanna do at that moment of time and you try to convince yourself and mom:

मै घर आउंगी माँ पर ठहर कर जाते  हुए मुझे रुकने को न कहना ।
मै दूर से आउंगी माँ, अकेले बैठे मेरे लिए राह तकते न रहना ।
सुना है  लड्डू बनाए है मेरे लिए,
खूब पकवान सजाए है मेरे लिए ,
मन भर कर खाऊँगी, माँ ,पर ठहर कर जाते  हुए मुझे रुकने को न कहना ।

Then after 7 months i came back with the strong determination of never returning.
gave a tight hug to my mum.
yes that was the real bestest moment.
I was the child in her arms.
Home means mom to me.
Spend the most beautiful days at home.
but this time,we can't stop it.
neither we can customize everything.
just accepted it.

कभी  वापिस न जाउंगी  ऐसा सोचकर घर  आई थी , पर माँ की आँखों में  गर्व देखा अपने लिए ।
उन्हें नाज़ है की उनकी बेटी आज अपने पैरो पर खड़ी है ।
आखिर  फिर वक़्त ने समझाया की जीवन में आगे बढ़ते जाना है ।
घर'  जाकर फिर वापिस काम  पर ही आना है ।

Saturday, November 12, 2011

A message on 11-11-11

They say 11-11-11 will be good for you.Don't know about anyone else but yeah it did a little good to me.

Yesterday i was in chandigarh when i received a message regarding some professional work(jobs) from an old friend with whom i had not interacted since 20th apr 2011 due to some conflicts in our mind against each other and i never tried to elucidate them either for though i considered myself correct on my part and a little self respect was pulling me back everytime when i decided to take the initiative. I didn't reply to the message due to lack of sufficient balance in my phone and roaming charges etc ( ok its an excuse i know coz a message can't charge you more than 50p ) and i had 92p left. All because i wasn't willing to reply, i know it sounds a little egoistical but another truth is: its always difficult in an argument(cold fights) to judge who did less wrong to the other.
So whatever, when i went back home next morning i messaged my close friend ( S ) so as to check whether she was asking her ( S) too through the same message about the jobs etc and she (S) said NO. Then i realized that she texted me only though can be many others too but not in my link. I immediately replied her although she asked for an instant reply in the message at that time but anyhow i decided its better late than never.
I texted : " Sorry for the late reply, Thanks....blah blah "

In the meanwhile i was online checking my mails. I have subscribed a daily post from Deborah Ailman, Law of Attraction and Positive Thought Instructor and was going through the same that time. The post was stating something i never expected  :
" Forgive...and let the dark clouds roll by so you can glimpse the sun. Forgive for yourself, so you can feel better. And once you've done that you'll find you can forgive because it really is the best thing for everyone:)  "
After 5 minutes my phone beeped with a new message conversing : "no sorry no thanks, how r u ? "

I don't know what happened and suddenly a tear or two rolled down from my eyes making me blind for a while and then i was laughing hard asking myself what i did  in past few months. Belonged to the same friend circle, cracking those silly jokes together, bunking classes and having fun, playing pranks, making small trips ,recalling all those golden old days and now we didn't talk from past 6 months. Wondering how had i made it possible.. It wasn't me. It can't be me. I was quick in forgiving and often forgetful too regarding any matter. Was i bearing grudges(the emotions of disliking someone) ? NO ! i never did against anyone.. but yeah i was bearing a weight in my mind,  uneasiness and a little conversation today released me from the load i was carrying from long.
 Last month of the last semester of a college life is always important. Recalling how we missed a good click together on the farewell occasion when we were in our best get up(wore saaris), the entertainment and filling each other's diary( your imprint on my life and vice versa) and many more moments.We missed them all.
 Though even today, it was not a normal but a formal talk but still enough to remind me how we used to behave when we were kids where a single "katti" breaks friendship and a single "abbi" bring two friends back together.
Qualities of a formal and not normal talks are :
--> Lack of emoticons in the chats.
--> Conversing in pure english instead of hinglish(hindi + poor english in my language)
--> avoiding the use of slangs.
Later we had few message chat, relieved me a little.
Reminded me of a very simple lesson " Life is too short for harbor bitterness, cherish the people who have been with you and are always with you..Friends are always friends, no matter what, every friendship goes through good and bad phases, its all about bridging those gaps."

Yes, a message on 11-11-11 made things a bit simple/better now. Sometimes you wait for an initiative and sometimes you need to take one. Life is not complex until we decide to make it so.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Lip-Liner 1

Was reading an old post Lip Liner .. tried to write something beyond it.

In the moonlight, i take the air and think everyday,
what had led me not to stay ?
Fascinating was thy world, enticed me into temptation,
engrossing me thoroughly, accepted the inclination,
still i passed through the other way,
wondering what had led me not to stay ?